Hollow within

The decisions which are made to please others can never give you the happiness that you deserve and sometimes it is just not meant to be.

They might decide for you but you will bear the life-long consequences.

I am aarzoo, and he is Ronak. 

We are married for almost 2 years now and I am not still not able to decide weather it was destiny or was it forced. 

I used to like a guy, we were good together and we spoke to our parents to take this ahead but as anticipated they did not agree. Parents are programmed to be reactive in such a situation. 

Anyways, it did not work. I also gave into the family pressure.

So it was then they found Ronak for me, whom according to them was the best match.
He was rich and more rich, he liked the girl and girl's consent was not needed. [They were not ready for a 'NO'].

I chose him because my parents felt that it was right and he was good enough. Since then we are together not by choice obviously.

He never considered me as a partner but just an anointed wife, we are like flatmates, share his surname and don't share bills because I don't earn.
Time and again he reminds me that he had so many proposals to consider for alliance but he considered me because the family insisted.

He has a routine and I have a husband. He follows his heart and I follow his instructions. 
I have nothing to talk to him, even if I do it results in a monologue because nothing makes him happy. He is a difficult man to please and I am tired of giving it a try.

He comes home and he finds time for Indian economy & newspapers but me. He has time for his swimming, gaming,gym and tennis regime but his wife. 

I am not allowed to find a job and work because I never used to, moreover he does not want me to work for some 20 thousand rupees. [He earns much more then needed, still I am not a happy wife :)]

I don't remember if we have a single happy picture together, not even from our honeymoon. It is because they is a unsaid vacuum. No-one understands but there is no connection.

I am not allowed to go out with friends because he does not approve of it and think I am better off at home. 

I tried telling my mom that we don't talk and to this her answer was that "time heals everything".

We have his friends coming over every weekend so that we don't have to spend the entire day together yet alone. 

For once I tried talking to him about how lonely I feel and he suggested that lets have a baby so that you are occupied and have a company too.

I feel like a machine, everything is just perfect in my house food, laundry, furniture, bills. The only thing missing is life.

I have recently moved to United states with him because he wanted to and I was supposed to.

but I am still looking for happiness which I believe I deserve.

I am the only one suffering, because everyone else feels that he is good enough.